This post is in response to a reader question. If you’d like to submit a question for possible inclusion in a future post, please email me.
The Q
What I would love to know is how to continue to feel good about yourself as a mom when you get 3, 4, 5 email/calls in a row telling you about the mis-behavior of your son in such and such class. I am doing everything I can and feeling like it is not enough!
The A
Before I get into the response, please accept this virtual hug (I need it just as much as you do *wink*).
Number one: You don’t have a bad child. Number two: You aren’t a bad mom. Glad to get that out of the way up front.
But the reality is that when your child is chronically misbehaving, you’ll start to question your ability as a parent. Is it me? Is it him? Why can’t he act right? Why can’t I get him to do what he’s supposed to do?
I know how hard it is to maintain your confidence as a mom and when you’re dealing with behavioral issues. It’s important to remember that there are many outside influences in your child’s life; so never jump to the conclusion that you’re doing it wrong. That’s not how this (parenting) works.
They learn so many things from so many different people – you can never really know where this is coming from until you dig a little deeper.
The first step is to conversate with your child. Ask questions. Find out who they’ve interacted with. Perhaps there’s another child they’re emulating. Or perhaps they’re acting out because of an underlying issue. You’ll never know until you start talking to your child.
If you feel like there’s more going on under the surface, you should seek professional help. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with visiting a healthcare professional who has the expertise to assist you in helping your child recognize their poor choices and improve their behavioral habits.
The biggest takeaway for us moms is that your child’s misbehavior does not mean that you’re a bad mom. Or that you have a bad child. It’s important to keep an open heart and mind. Seek to understand – never judge. And always keep the communication open between you and your child.
I want to hear from you!
Do you have any thoughts to share on this subject? Please leave me a comment below.
If you’d like to submit a question for possible inclusion in a future post, please email me.
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Disclaimer: I’m not a healthcare professional and what you read here is purely my opinion as an experienced mom of three. You are completely liable for whatever action you take a result of the information above, and whatever results from those actions.
Comments 9
This is such great advice. We have been using this with our grandchildren. It makes them feel good that we are listening to them and God gives us what we need to guide and direct them. Thank you again. God Bless
This is such great advice. My grandson has problems occasionally. He has gotten much better over time. We took him to a psychiatrist and they said he has ADHD. We do not want to give him medicine so we are trying some other things. Thank you for sharing
A child can neither be good or bad. It all depends on his surroundings which influence him or her to be either good or bad.
I truly believe that there is no ‘bad child’ so this is a great discussion. The first moms need to do is blame themselves and try to have an open conversation with their child to get to the root of the problem.
Author
Agree! I think there’s always something going on that you need to dig deeper and uncover so you can help your child – not just assume their “bad” and write it off.
I have a hard time with this because my son is developmentally delayed and sometimes people (including me) don’t know what his intentions are. We’re NOT bad moms though. I promise.
Author
I couldn’t agree more! It’s so important not to take it on as your failure as a parent.
Such hard thing for any parent to go through, especially when you are trying and feeling so incompetent as a mom!! The question is just too general to give any specific advice, but every mom needs to fill herself up with strength and empowerment especially when our kids are struggling…
All we can do is our best to help our children, use the resources we can and invest in any help possible. And find some good ol’ fashion support from other mom friends.
Author
I completely agree with you Christine! It’s very tricky to give general advice – but you can never go wrong with getting help and trying your best..:-)