Single By Choice – No Really, It’s My Choice

There are not too many times where I find myself thinking about my single marital status. Between kids, work, school, and business, I don’t have much room for pondering what life is, or what it would be, if I were or were not single. However, on this particular Tuesday evening, I found myself thinking about being single quite a bit. And it’s times like this when I appreciate being single. Here’s why.

I was sitting in the all-to-familiar chair, that I see every two weeks, while my nail tech of 6+ years was working her magic on my gel refill. It was really quiet with everyone working away when all of a sudden this woman barged in, soaked from the rain, and demanded that her late arrival not count against her – she wanted to start her 6:30 appointment right away (although it was now 6:58). Her tech, who is also the owner and a very busy woman, was serving another client. The woman scoffed as the tech told her to wait 15 minutes, then she sat down and pulled out her iPhone to make a call. Now, I try not to listen in on other people’s conversations; but the nail salon is but only so big – and she was talking rather loud.

All I could hear was her complaining. “Girl, I can’t believe the bus was so late and now I have to wait. And you know he will still want dinner ready by 8. You would think that he could at least get things started since he was home all day. He was mad when I told him he had to pick up his son from after-care. Damn, he gets on my nerves!” Her conversation went on with much of the same – complaining, wishing she didn’t have to deal with him, and pondering what life could be like if she didn’t have him. By the way, she was talking about her husband of 12 years. Yea, I know right; I heard way too much of this conversation. But wait, there’s more.

Once she sat down and got started on her nails she continued with the complaints; talking to the nail tech this time. She talked about how she lied and said she had to work late because her husband didn’t approve of her spending money on her nails. When the nail tech mentioned that her plan would be for not when he saw her fresh nails, she responded “he won’t notice…he doesn’t pay attention to me like that.” She sounded sad. Unhappy. Stressed out. Alone. I felt bad for her.

In that moment I started to think about my life. How much control I have over what I do, when I do it, and how I spend my money. I am not an advocate for singles – I think that being in a loving union with someone who gets you and that you can work with to build something amazing (a family, a life – together) is the best experience in the world. However, it’s not the hand I was dealt. I was married at the age of 17 and after 9 years of marriage, which included 2 separations, we got divorced. I had a brief relationship right after that, which was a literal Lifetime movie – I will write about that someday – and ever since then I have been single. By my choice.

I used to think people only said “single by choice” because they didn’t want to seem like a loser that can’t make a relationship work. Or who has no relationship prospects but wants to make it seem as though they like it that way. But I am that person now. After 6 years of choosing to stay single I can honestly say that it is my choice. I have had countless offers – for dates, for marriage, for marriage-like-behavior (you know what I mean…ugh). I have been there. I know what it is like to be in a relationship that doesn’t work. I don’t want to be the girl who is always complaining to her friends or unloading on virtual strangers. I don’t want to be sad, unhappy, or lonely while in a relationship that doesn’t work for me.


I am selfish. I want to focus on me. I want to focus on my kids. I want to build myself. I want to achieve my dreams. Nowhere in my plans exists time and space for a relationship. Relationships need energy. They require a constant effort. I am single by my choice because I haven’t met a man who I connect with. Who makes me feel that they are worth my time and effort. I am not saying that he’s not out there, but I am saying that I won’t be looking for him anytime soon. And if it’s meant to be, he will come to me eventually.

So for now, I am happily single and all about me… and my kids. In a house of 6 I don’t see how I could ever be lonely, or alone, and there is always a new adventure waiting for me. It does get a little awkward when I am invited out to an event where there’s mostly couples or to family things where husbands are involved, but I manage because I am secure. I am sure of myself. And I know that this isn’t meant to be forever, but it feels right for now.

Hmmmm, I wonder if I can rent-a-husband-on-demand. *Ok, ttyl – I need to go hit up Google*

I want to hear from you!

What are your thoughts on the choice to remain single? Please leave me a comment below and let’s have a discussion.

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  1. Pingback: Control Your Mind, Control Your World - Memoirs of a Clueless Woman

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