You don’t have to be a yelling mom. It’s not an easy transition, but it can be accomplished. You can leave your yelling ways behind for calmer, peaceful times talking to your child. A couple of months ago I was in the middle of a yell-rant. I was deep into my yelling; so deep that I forgot what the heck I was yelling about in the first place. It was in that moment that my daughter came up to me, took my hand, and said “mom, you are failing at your goal not to yell anymore.”
I had recently set many family, and personal, goals and to stop yelling was one of them. I normally only let the kids in on the goals I want to be held accountable for achieving. SN: Nobody will hold you more accountable than your kids. If you want to make sure you are reminded of something you said you would do, especially when you happen to backslide a bit, just tell them what it is. That night, I thought about it. I really, really, don’t want to be a yelling mom. I want to be a mom that talks to her kids, peaceably, and understands what motivates and inspires them to follow my commands. So, I came up with some methods that in the past few months have proven to be quite effective.
Using these strategies, you too can stop yourself from being the yelling mom. Here’s how:
Instead of yelling, negotiate
The number one key to successful negotiation is to uncover their true motivators. This is the essential piece to getting what you want out of them without the screaming and shouting. You want to go outside and play; I want the kitchen cleaned up. Let’s make a deal. It takes some time to really find out what their deepest desires are and then basically hold them hostage until you get what you want. It sounds sort of hardcore but it works like a champion. They may hem and haw at first but eventually they will get used to the new, umm, your way.
Instead of yelling, play the mom card
This one works like a champ with older kids. Take my teenager for example: when I am having difficulty getting him to do what I want, I play the mom card. I sit down and take a moment to think of all that I’ve done for him lately and then I lay it on thick. I appeal to his sense of fairness and reason with him. I didn’t think it was possible, to reason with a teenager, but it can be done. Once I remind him of all that I do for him and his siblings, and all I want him to do is remember to take out the trash twice a week, he understands that I am not asking too much and feels bad for not complying.
Instead of yelling, take a time out
I still remember the first time I watched Bad Boys 2 and the captain was on his whoo-saah kick. I thought it was so silly but it has become one of my favorite life concepts. I don’t actually say whoo-saah, but when I feel frustrated and the yell-rant is about to start, I take a minute. I stop and step back. I think through the situation and try to figure out a better way to handle it. This takes a lot of practice but it can be done. You can get to a point where you halt, instead of boiling over and yelling like a mad woman.
While I still backslide into a yell-rant now and then, I seem to have mostly left the yelling mom behind for quieter, more peaceful interactions with the kids that lead to them actually doing what I ask. I may never be 100% cured of my yelly ways, but I try to think about what I am doing before I travel the stressful path of the yelling mom.
I want to hear from you!
Have you struggled with being a yelling mom? What are some of the strategies you’ve used to prevent yourself from going there? Please leave me a comment below and let’s have a discussion.