Unapologetic Working Mom – I’m Happy With My Choice

For today’s rant story I just want to vent a little. Before I get into it, here’s a little history. I’m a working mom. I have worked full-time since I was 19 years old. Currently, I work as an analyst in the Federal Government. I commute 2-3 days a week to Downtown Washington, DC which takes me away from my home for 12 hours of the day (5 am to 5 pm).

On 12/12/12 (I just love that date!) I started a consulting business. No, I did not quit my full-time job. I consult in my personal/off time. In January of this year, I started writing and then I started this blog. What’s important to note in all of this is that I am also raising three children as a single co-parent (i.e. I am no longer married but their father is involved).

This brings me to my title: unapologetic working mother.

What annoys me about parenting in general is the way the moms who think they’ve figured out the magic parenting formula throw around their opinions as though they are the author of the non-existent parenting handbook. There is no such thing. Every parent has to do what works for them. I don’t have any problem with mothers who choose not to work outside of the home, or at all. What I do have a problem with are mothers who act like they are a better mom than me because of their choice to stay-at-home.

Now, I would be straight up lying if I said there weren’t days that I wish I could be around more, which is why I’m working on growing my brand. But if I’m being completely honest, there is no land on earth or in the heavens where my idea of the perfect life is staying at home all day and caring for my children. There, I said it. That’s right. I don’t want to. I LOVE those three little monsters with all that I am but the thought of them being my only job makes me wanna run for the hills. Some days the office feels like a vacation since I get a break from mom duty. I need my work. I want to be more than a mom. I want to do it all. I can and will do it all.

More mommyhood history.

I stayed home with my first son until he was two years old, and I was able to work part-time while taking my daughter into the office with me for her first three months. With my youngest, I had just started a new job and took leave without pay so I was only home with him for four weeks – but my mother had just retired *jackpot* so she took care of him the first year. The same daycare provider cared for all three of my kids, and she also cared for my younger sister. She was the best. And more like family than anything else. So, leaving my children in her care was not exactly a gut-wrenching experience. It was a joy. They loved her. She loved them. They looked forward to going to her home every day, and I looked forward to going to work. It was a win-win.

My kids have always been happy, healthy, and 100% sure of how much I love them. Every day I make sure they know what they mean to me; whether I am kissing them in their sleepy states as I leave for work in the early morning, asking them how their days were when I pick them up, or hanging out having a good laugh with them.

Do they wish I was home more? Sure they do. When they are enjoying our home, participating in activities, and going on vacations, do they appreciate that I work? Yup, they really do.

So-long-story-short, or long-as-it-is, I love my work. It’s a part of who I am and a huge reason why I’m able to be an effective mother; because I’m able to pursue my passion and purpose which gives me fulfillment. Because being a good mother doesn’t equal giving up the other things that make us happy. I’m an unapologetic working mom. Sure, I want to be around more – and that is what I am working towards by building my business and brand. But at the end of the day, going to work is a small sacrifice for something that makes me a better person, and mom, in the end.

I want to hear from you!

Are you happy with your choice – to either stay/work-at-home or have a career outside of the home? Please leave me a comment below and let’s have a discussion.

Comments 11

  1. I always wanted to stay home and I did for 11 years until a part time job fell into my lap back in February. Honestly, I have huge respect for working moms because I don’t know how you do it! Even just this part time job stresses me out and makes me feel like I have no time. I also admit, however, that staying home full time has its downfalls, too.

  2. I love being a SAHM. It suits me, and is something I wanted to do. When my younger sister decided to be a SAHM, I’ll admit to being surprised, but it never suited her. By the time her oldest was 1, she was putting her in day care 3 mornings a week because she needed a break.She did the same with her youngest, then tok on more activities to keep her busy. Being a SAHM who stayed home with her kids didn’t fit my sister’s personality, though she tried. We all need to do what works best for ourselves and our families. 🙂

  3. I am a working mom and there is nothing in this world that I want more than be a SAHM (something that I can’t afford to do right now) but I have to admit, the office really feels like a vacation some days. 😀

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  6. I think it is great that you embraced your choices and situation. I am also a full-time working mom, and I generally an happy that I get to have an identity beyond “mom.” I need stimulation outside of the home, and I am glad that I can provide for my family. Is my situation perfect? Nothing is perfect. I work long days and often miss being home. I get home in the evenings, and wish I could get home a little earlier to help with all of the after-school tasks. I often think a part-time or scaled back schedule would be my ideal, but we need my compensation, and my husband tends to do the heavy lifting after school since he is a teacher. I agree with you though – I hate all of the judging that goes on in the “mommy world.” Every family, every woman, every situation is different.

    1. That really is the part that bothers me the most… I have never, ever judged another mom. I know how different all of our lives are and I would never assume that my way is the best way for every mother. I just wish those mothers who judge would focus more on building a community of support and love for each other – this mommy thing is hard! We all need to feel supported on this journey. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your experience:)

  7. I’m also happy with my choice. Like you, I’ve done a combination – With my first (who is now a teenager, OMG!) I worked 2 jobs to support her, with my second I stayed home for a while and now that I have my third I became self-employed. All three choices were right for me at that time in my life. I think that is what is important… to do what is best for the family, whatever that may be 🙂

    1. So true! That is all that matters – that your family is taken care of and you do what works best for you and your children. I am still trying to get over the fact that my oldest is a teenager. And I am looking at the next two knowing they will soon be where he is now. It truly happens so fast, it’s important to enjoy every minute and not waste time on guilt or comparisons. Thanks for stopping by and sharing with us:)

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