While I was in the grocery store not too long ago I saw a mom with three young children in the midst of a meltdown. She was literally on the verge of breaking – I could see it about to happen before my very eyes.
Her little baby girl was happily drooling all over everything and touching all the magazines her little hands could reach. A little rambunctious 3-year-old boy was running around in circles and knocking over much of the items that are on display in between the isles. And the cherry on top was a 5-year-old boy who was throwing an all-out tantrum because he was told he could not have any candy.
This mother was stressed. She was completely disturbed by what she felt was an uncontrollable situation and she was about to pop.
You are probably wondering how I know all these details if I was only watching her. Well, I am just that type. So, I – being a mother of 3 who fully understood what she was going through – went over and started a conversation. “How thoughtful… he wants to keep these folks employed by giving them plenty of work to do” I said of the 3-year-old boy’s activities.
The mom laughed and we started to talk. The checkout lines were long so we had a good 15-minute convo about motherhood {this is what happens when you shop at Wegmans on Saturday morning}.
She told me a few short stories that she felt explained all the reasons why she was justifiably on the verge of a meltdown. I told her an abbreviated version of one long story that explained why she should never be.
She was smiling by the time she walked away with her children and groceries in tow – and so was I.
I won’t bore you with all the details but feel free to read my story to understand why I value every single little thing that being a mom brings me.
How to be a happy mom…
Later that day I wondered about what it takes to be a happy mom. To appreciate all the little things that motherhood has to offer, and why so many moms appear to mainly focus on the negatives instead.
After thinking long and hard about how I learned to be the happiest mom I could be {yes, it is a learned behavior}, a few key areas stood out.
Keep reading to learn the ultimate solution to being a happy mom.
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To be a happy mom, forget about what other people think
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To be a happy mom, give up the illusion of control
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To be a happy mom, choose to love your life
Don’t ever be concerned about what other people will think or be embarrassed about anything that goes on with you and your child. Any mother, or anyone who has ever been in the company of children, knows what it’s really like. And if they act like they don’t, it’s just a façade. One that takes way too much energy to keep up. The last thing you need to do is add the stress of worry about what others think of you or your parenting style.
To be a happy mom, you have to trust that you are doing the best you can for you and your family. Let that be enough. Why care about whether anyone else approves?
You are never in control. Your best ally is influence. Once mothers accept this very basic fact, a weight is lifted. You can approach situations with the right mindset and from the standpoint of achieving a particular outcome rather than dictating every little action. When you try to control, you will forever be stressed because it is an unattainable goal. Just relax and train yourself to go with the flow. Have a plan but always be flexible. Use your power of influence to help guide your child in the direction you’d like; with the understanding that you can never truly control their actions.
To be a happy mom, you have to forget about trying to control every single thing and just enjoy the process.
You can wake up every day dreading what’s ahead or appreciating every breath. It’s your choice. The way you experience your world starts in your mind, with how you choose to view it. Life as a mom is tough. It is full of challenge, responsibility, and is often a thankless job. It is very easy to get sucked down the rabbit hole and focus on the negatives, but you can’t allow yourself to go there.
To be a happy mom you have to choose to love every minute of your life, and of raising your children.
Closing thoughts…
Internalize the brevity of raising children, who will be adults in the blink of an eye. It will be over before you know it and then you will spend your time reminiscing, looking at baby pictures, telling your favorite stories to your daughter/son-in-law, and visiting your grandchildren.
So it’s important to enjoy this time. Enjoy right now. Appreciate every minute. Be a happy mom. Love your mom life.
This post previously appeared on Heart of a Philathropist.
I want to hear from you!
What are your tips for being a happy mom? Please share with me in the comments below.
Comments 37
I could really relate to this article. It is not easy being a mom and I think when the little ones are out in pubic they just think they can take advantage. I totally agree with everything you suggested. Thank you for sharing
This is so true! I think forgetting what others think is really hard. I try. However, it continually sneaks back into my head. I live a very simple life, and I know other people don’t agree with some decisions I make. I don’t know why that bothers me. I love my life. I am happy. I need to hold on to that instead of how other people rate me.
Carin, another awesome post on motherhood. I am not a mother yet but I often share your blog with my friends and family who, of course, are mamas. Such helpful advice and tips! xo
its been very helpful to remind myself that i cant control my kids’ behavior, only my own
Great tips! I think the most important (but probably the hardest) one is to stop worrying what others think of your parenting style. It is especially hard for me as I come from a family that was very judgmental of other parents while I was growing up. I learned that other people are always judging me (that was what my family did to others – so I was sure others were doing it to me too). As I have grown up a bit I have come to realize that most people are too self-focused to really care too much what I do (or don’t do) as a parent. I try not to worry about it as much, but it will always be a struggle.
i’m not a mom, but these are still wonderful tips 🙂 thanks!
I was a happy mom. We had our moments but for the most part we were happy. I should say that I was a single mom. It was just my daughter and I and we did really good until she got older. Then she hated me from about 14 to 26. She got married at 26 and we got along better. Then she got pregnant and her whole attitude changed. Once again we are getting along great. I will say I’m a much happier grandma ! I don’t have the stress of work and taking care of a baby and trying to get it all done by myself.
These are great tips.
Great tips! I agree with everything especially giving up that “need” fr control!
I love the part about internalizing the brevity of having young children. That’s what has helped me SO much this past year or so. I appreciate the little things more, and am enjoying more of the moments that are good. Such a great post with wonderful advice. And good for you for going up that young mom and saying something encouraging!
This was great! I often have to remind myself to soak up the moments and just let go! Thanks 🙂
You did such a nice thing by going over and talking to her! Great tips too.
These are really great tips, not just for moms, but really for anyone. We all have daily stressors in our lives and we all sometimes need to take a step back and just have some fun without caring what other folks think!
Great advice – but not just for Moms: for everyone!
Ooh, I love these tips! Being a Mama is my favorite job…AND I can always use a few reminders on how to step-it-up and have more fun. Thanks!
This all sounds spot on to me! I have struggled with the control part for years but I seem to be getting better at letting go. And you are right – it’s so much nicer.
Alot of very good advise to think about.
When I finally stopped thinking about other people’s opinions – freedom. We do what works for us and our family. EVERYbody has an opinion, I don’t have the time to entertain them all.
Great post!
Author
Thanks Camesha and could agree more! No need in wasting any time on other people’s opinions. ^5
I always feel bad for Mom’s in the midst of a kid melt down. I was in their shoes when my now ten year old was a toddler. Thank God I’ve not had that issue with my toddler daughter. Its comforting to have someone else speak up and support you. Especially during a time when most people are giving you the side eye and wanting you to spank your child or just leave the store.
Author
Exactly… I wish moms would just stop rushing to judgement and be more supportive of each other. We all have bad days!
Carin, this is a great post on loving motherhood! I’m a mother of two boys and one has Autism. We have meltdowns in the public once in a while, and sometimes can get in the way with fun. I just have to always remind myself that my child is a blessing, and that I am his mother who’s always going to be here to love him and protect him. Thank you for the reminder!
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Thanks so much for sharing and for the feedback Jocleyn! :).
Carin I LOVE this post. I’m a mother of 2 and for a long time I stressed myself out about trying to be the “perfect” mom. It’s hard at times because I feel like I want to do everything right, which I know is unrealistic. Each tip you shared is right on point and it was a great reminder to simply jut do the best you can and you’re right they will be adults soon so it’s important to embrace every moment.
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YES! Thanks for sharing – I’m so glad you liked the post :).
This was absolutely AWESOME!!! Great post! #BLMGIRLS
Author
Thank you! Thanks for stopping by :).
I love this post. It’s so on time for me. Winters are hard for me because I’m indoors so much and the pressure build ups. Parenting takes lots of patience. Thanks for lift! #blmgirls
Author
So true about the patience… still working on that myself! It’s a daily struggle ;).
I love this post Carin and I so agree with this. The last one about making the choice to be happy is critical. The other day, I asked my daughter to grab something in the office. I heard something fall and when she came upstairs I asked her what happened (she didn’t say anything initially). She told me it was my laptop…my MacBook…the old me would’ve screamed and scolded her immediately. But I didn’t even rush to take a look. I just told her next time to let me know (thankfully, it was perfectly find lol). It’s a daily choice we have to make to be happy as a mom and in life.
Author
Thanks! And yes, our choice to be happy really does make all the difference. Thanks for sharing :).
Oh, how I love this post Carin!!! YES! I often talk to moms in distress as well… we are in this together! ALL of us have those moments… those meltdowns… and I love your ideas about what it takes to truly find our happy place in parenting.
Author
Thanks Chris!! I used to “mind my own business” but in the last few years – since I started blogging – I’ve been more inclined to offer a shoulder and have met so many wonderful moms as a result. I love chatting and helping other moms feel less alone. :).
Love your first tip. Let us not sacrifice ourselves on the altar of other’s opinions.
Author
Yes! That’s so important. We all have to learn to stop caring what other people think.
To be a happy mom, one needs some good habits such as Planning some big fun, Loving the one you’re with, Hanging with your gal pals, Forgiving and forgetting, Cuddling up, etc.
Author
For sure Mia! Thanks for sharing :).