Being a working mom is not easy. For most of us, there is a stigma – even now, in the 21st Century – there is this idea that the best person to be with your children all day is you and if you are not able to (or don’t want to) be that person, then you are not being the best mom. There are all sorts of studies and opinions on this subject, and if you Google it you will find a plethora of varying information on what’s best for a child.
The bottom line is that there is no one right answer. There is no magical opinion that works best for every mom. If you choose to work, or choose to stay-at-home, the most important thing is that you choose the option that works best for you and makes your family work.
For those of us who do work, here is my best advice on how to permanently banish working mom guilt:
Make a decision, and be confident – Once you choose your path, be confident in it. Do not spend time wondering if you’ve made the right choice or wishing you could have done something different. This will only cause unnecessary anxiety, which is no good for you or for your children.
Don’t compare; never judge – Do not spend even one minute comparing your life to that of another mom. You do not know her true situation. You can never assume what it would be like to live a day in her shoes. Do not judge other moms. Whether they work or stay-at-home, you must take the approach that every mom is doing what is best for her family and treat her accordingly.
Set reasonable expectations for yourself – Accept that you may not be able to make it to every school event, or every back-to-school night, or participate in every fundraiser – and that is OK. Don’t set unreasonable expectations because if you are unable to meet them, you will feel disappointment with yourself and your choice to work.
Be present when you are home – When you are home with your family, be present. Leave work at the office (or in the home office) and just be with your kids. Make the most of the time that you have together and build positive memories that can help to sustain the children when you are absent, i.e. at work. Talk to your child, listen to stories about their day, ask them about their dreams, and make plans to spend time together when you are off from work.
Lean on your village – It truly takes a village so lean on yours. Call upon your child’s grandparents, aunts, uncles, Godparents, and trusted neighbors to assist when needed. I can’t tell you how many times my mom or sister has picked up my son from aftercare while I was running late from a long meeting. It is not something I want to do often, but it’s something I have learned to be OK with doing when I really have to.
Comments 16
I come from generations of working mothers and I could still feel guilt when raising my future children. Hope this post helps others.
You are so right, it takes a village to raise a child. Now days it takes two parents to work in order to make ends meet. There are alot of working moms out there who raised wonderful children. Thank you so much for this great article
I’m a part time working mom and struggle with the guilt of work and parenting and really appreciate these tips!!!
Author
I’m so glad you found the tips useful. I hope it helps you to send that guilt away for good..;-)
I agree with sticking to the path you choose, and having confidence in yourself.
Author
Yes! That may be the most important part… of any decision-making really, but especially when you are making decisions for the good of your family.
Great tips! I was a working mom till a year ago and now I struggle with the guilt of not doing enough.
Author
Thanks Sarah! There’s always one thing or another that has us feeling like we could do better. It’s a constant struggle!
I love this Carin. It’s amazing to me, all the things being a working mom can teach our children! No guilt necessary…
My favorite of these is to not judge. That is a must for the working mom AND the SAHM alike.
Author
So true! It’s important NOT to judge any mother for any reason – this is a tough job, we’re all just trying our best..;-)
All good advice. I have been there and it’s hard not to succumb to that guilt sometimes.
Author
I feel you – I still have a few bad days myself… I recently missed my youngest son’s belt ceremony and was distraught… I just keep reminding myself that I what I was doing {working} is what makes it possible for him to be able to enjoy Tae Kwon Do.
Great tips! Needed this because I’m always beating myself with guilt each time I leave home for work!
Author
It’s a daily struggle to remind ourselves of what we’re doing right!
I have decided to go to school this fall to get my masters in speech language pathology. I was having major anxiety at leaving my 3 month old with a are taker. Thanks for the advice to just make your decision and look ahead and not worry about what you should have done. No regrets :).
Author
Good luck with your Masters program Amy! No regrets for sure! :).